Every single year the birthdays of the people you love the most, come around. Have you ever wondered how many of those birthdays you have actually missed through the duration of your time working in the job?

There have been many instances where I have missed friends and family members special days. But there was one day in particular that really pissed me off.

It was my girlfriends 24^th birthday and myself, our friends and family had all arranged to go out for a fancy meal and a few drinks. I was really excited to spend the time with her, on her special day and as a bonus I was on a day shift the day of her birthday and the following day I was due for a night shift, meaning that we could have a late night enjoying ourselves!

But unfortunately, 4 days before her birthday I get an email from the boss forwarded on by our duties department, explaining to me that I have been moved to a night shift on the day of her birthday! A horrible gut twisting, sinking feeling came into my stomach, knowing that I had to miss another birthday of the person I loved the most.

I was so annoyed that I had planned everything and yet the job can throw me a ‘curve ball’ and end up ruining my plans. You see I didn’t book annual leave because I didn’t need too. The shift pattern had worked out fine up until then. I obviously had words with my inspector at the time, but despite my negotiations to try and get my shift pattern back to the one I was supposed to work, my words just fell on deaf ears. “Sorry Alex, there is nothing I can do, you were chosen at random”.

The email from my boss and duties explained that I had been picked at random to change my shifts because one of the other teams in custody was low on staff, so I had to fill that void for that night shift.

I frantically asked around other team members to see If they could swap their day shift for my new night shift, but unfortunately, I came up short and to be honest who could blame them. It was only 4 days away.

There was nothing I could do and then, of course, it was time to call my girlfriend and explain to her I would be missing her birthday again. Once I explained to her, I could hear in her voice that she was upset. This broke me, knowing that something was dictating our life, our relationship, our emotions and our future.

My external struggle was that there was nothing I could do to ensure I spent the night with my girlfriend on her birthday. I was annoyed that I was even in this situation, I felt like I was trapped, being told what to do and how to do it, like a child, even though I was 25 at the time.

My internal struggle was that I felt like a bad boyfriend, I felt like I wasn’t supporting her like a boyfriend should be and I was worried about all the negative thoughts she may be thinking about our future together, whilst I was working in the police force. We both knew deep down that there was a high possibility that this scenario could play out again when we have kids. Missing the highlights of their lives would break us even more so.

I worked that night shift on her birthday dealing with unpleasant detainee’s, It was one of my worst night shifts in custody. I finished at 7am, not arriving back home until 7.30am, where I would pass my girlfriend for 5 minutes before she would head off to work.

Our relationship was suffering and the cracks started to show. I knew a change was needed.

This was just one of my many F.T.E. Have you ever had your own F.T.E. as an officer? If so, share it with me in the comments below.